When Love Lingers in the Ruins.

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Today my husband came to see the kids. It’s such a strange thing when love and pain sit in the same room. When you’re separated, going through divorce, people think the love just switches off, like a light. But it doesn’t. It lingers. It aches. It questions.

I sat there watching him talk to the children, my heart torn between relief that they still have their father, and the silent scream inside me: why wasn’t I enough?

Why couldn’t God fix him? Why wouldn’t he change? Why did I fight, pray, and believe for something that still crumbled in my hands?

And then the hardest question of all: Am I a fool for still loving him? For secretly hoping God will break through his heart, that he’ll wake up and see what he lost?

The truth is, my love wasn’t blind. It was fierce, desperate, and rooted in faith. I wanted to believe in the vows we made. I wanted to believe in the man I saw glimpses of—the one I prayed would come back.

But I also hear God whispering to me:
"My daughter, you are not unworthy. His choices are not a reflection of your value. You cannot fix what only I can mend. Your love is not wasted—it mirrors My own love, the love that keeps reaching even when it’s rejected."

And so I sit in this in-between place. Loving and letting go. Hoping and hurting. Watching him laugh with the kids and feeling that deep, raw ache in my chest.

Divorce doesn’t just end a marriage—it breaks pieces of your soul. But I believe God gathers those shattered pieces and makes something beautiful again. He makes beauty from ashes. He heals what we cannot heal ourselves.

I don’t know if my husband will ever change. I don’t know if he will ever see the weight of what he’s thrown away. But I do know this: God sees me. God hears my tears. God loves me with a love that never abandons, never wounds, never betrays.

So tonight, I will lay this pain at the feet of Jesus. I will cry, I will ache, but I will also trust that He is writing a story greater than the heartbreak I feel today.

Because even when human love fails—God’s love never does.

Hello, I’m a mom of four as a self-employed business owner, I’ve learned how to juggle many roles, often feeling stretched thin, but my faith has always been a source of strength and guidance. Life hasn’t always been easy—marriage struggles and personal challenges have tested me, but each experience has deepened my faith and understanding of who I am. This blog is a space where I share my heart, my journey, and the lessons I’m learning along the way. I hope my story can offer encouragement and connection to theirs walking their own paths of faith and growth.

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