When the Storm Wont let up: Finding God in a tough week.

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Some weeks just feel impossible. This has been one of those for me. I feel like I’m drowning—hit from every side, struggling to come up for air.

Parents at my school have been attacking me over things I can’t control, like illnesses and other unexpected challenges. My marriage has its own struggles, pressing in on me when I already feel weak. Finances are tight. My baby is teething and restless, which means I am, too. On top of all that, I feel spiritually blocked—like no matter how much I try to press into God, I just can’t get there. I know He’s near, but I feel far. And that only adds to the exhaustion.

I want to rest in His Word, but my mind is too scattered. I want to pray, but I don’t even know what to say. I wish I had someone to talk to who truly understands. The weight of everything makes me feel cursed, like the enemy is working overtime to wear me down.

Desperate for My Husband to Encounter Jesus

One of the hardest weights on my heart is my marriage. More than anything, there is a desperation in my soul for my husband to have a supernatural encounter with Jesus—something so real and powerful that it changes him forever. I want him to truly seek Jesus, not just go through the motions. Living with a lukewarm Christian drives me insane. It frustrates me. It worries me. It makes me wonder if this spiritual complacency will influence my kids, and that thought terrifies me.

I’ve been praying—pleading—for God to do something, to shake him awake, to set his heart on fire. But nothing changes. And I don’t understand why.

Why isn’t God answering this prayer?

I know I can’t force faith on him. I know that only Jesus can stir his heart. But waiting, watching, and wondering when (or if) that will happen is exhausting. I feel like I’m fighting this battle alone. Like I’m carrying a weight that isn’t mine to bear, but I can’t seem to put it down.

I have to believe that God sees him. That He is working even when I can’t see it. That He loves my husband even more than I do. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t struggling with frustration, with impatience, with doubt.

When My Encounter Doesn’t Feel Like Theirs

One of the hardest parts of this season is seeing others have these powerful, life-changing encounters with God—where He shows up in undeniable, miraculous ways. They weep in His presence, hear His voice so clearly, and walk away transformed. And I want that. I want Jesus to show up for me in a big way, to bless me with His undeniable presence. I want to see Him, hear Him, be with Him in a way that leaves no room for doubt.

My own encounters with God have been slow, quiet, steady—blessed, but not overwhelming. And deep down, I feel jealous. Not in a resentful way, but in a desperate way. I crave more of Him. I want to sit face to face with my Father, to dwell in His presence so completely that nothing else matters. To disappear into His love, to stay with Him forever. But instead, I feel far. And I don’t understand why.

Maybe He is teaching me something in this stillness. Maybe He is drawing me deeper, stretching my faith to believe without the fireworks. Maybe He is speaking in whispers because He wants me to lean in closer.

Even so, I long for Him. And I pray that He meets me in a way my soul desperately needs.

The Weight of Guilt and Feeling Like a Failure

Lately, I feel like I’m all over the place. My mind won’t quiet down, my emotions are scattered, and I feel guilty over every little mistake. It’s like I can’t do anything right. I tell myself I’ll fast, but then I wake up, grab my cigarette without thinking, and forget. And then guilt hits me like a wave—I failed again. So I just give up, pour myself a cup of coffee, and think, Why even try? Jesus must be so disappointed in me.

Why am I so weak?

I want to be strong. I want to be disciplined. I want to be the kind of person who fasts without struggle, who prays without distraction, who wakes up every day and radiates faith. But I feel like I keep falling short. Like I’m not enough. Like I’ll never be enough.

And yet… God still loves me.

Even in my failures. Even in my weakness. Even when I grab the coffee instead of choosing discipline. Even when my mind races and my heart doubts and my spirit feels distant. His love is not based on my performance. His grace is not something I have to earn.

“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’” – 2 Corinthians 12:9

Maybe Jesus isn’t disappointed in me at all. Maybe He sees my struggle, my frustration, my exhaustion, and He’s reaching for me anyway. Maybe He just wants me to come to Him as I am, even in my mess, even in my failures, even in my weakness.

Holding On Through the Silence

Despite the heaviness, this week hasn’t been without blessings. There have been answered prayers, moments of grace, and reminders that He hasn’t let go of me. Even when I feel burned out and stretched thin, I know I’m not forgotten. Tonight, I’ll be attending a women’s conference, and I’m praying—truly, desperately praying—that it leads me back to the Father in a way I need. That it reignites something in me.

Maybe you’ve been here, too. Feeling like no matter how hard you try to press in, life keeps pulling you away. If that’s you, know this: God is still in it with us. Even when we can’t feel Him, He’s holding us. Even when everything seems to be falling apart, He is still writing a greater story.

If you’re struggling this week, I see you. I understand. And more importantly, God understands. Let’s keep holding on, even if it’s just by a thread.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." – Psalm 34:18

Hello, I’m a mom of four as a self-employed business owner, I’ve learned how to juggle many roles, often feeling stretched thin, but my faith has always been a source of strength and guidance. Life hasn’t always been easy—marriage struggles and personal challenges have tested me, but each experience has deepened my faith and understanding of who I am. This blog is a space where I share my heart, my journey, and the lessons I’m learning along the way. I hope my story can offer encouragement and connection to theirs walking their own paths of faith and growth.

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