When Love Breaks You: A Journey Through Separation, Struggle and Faith.

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I don’t know how to start this, because the truth is, I don’t want to be writing it. I don’t want this to be my story. But here I am, sitting in the mess of a life I never thought I’d have—raising three kids on my own, with no money, no transport, no family support, and a heart so heavy I can barely lift my prayers to God.

My husband is gone. Again.

Addiction has stolen him from us, from me, from our children who only ever wanted their dad to love them the way they deserve. And yet, as much as I know this is where we’ve ended up before, as much as I know the pain it has caused, I still find myself struggling to cut the cord completely. Divorce. The word feels like a boulder crushing my chest. Because I know I should. I know I have to. And yet, there’s this deep, desperate part of me that still wants to believe he’ll change. That this time will be different. That love can fix this. That God can fix this.

But love hasn’t stopped the addiction. Love hasn’t made him stay. Love hasn’t kept my children from crying at night, from asking where he is, from believing in promises that keep breaking.

“I thought this was over. I thought he’d never do this again.”

Those words from my son sliced through me like a knife. Because I thought so too. I told him it was safe to trust again, that his father was here to stay. And now I have to watch the trust he barely rebuilt shatter into a thousand pieces.

And then there’s my two-year-old, Ziggy, who doesn’t understand any of this. He just knows his daddy is gone, and he wants to go find him. “Where’s my dad? Can we go get him? I miss him.”

How do you explain to a baby that the person who should love him the most keeps choosing something else over him? How do you explain to yourself why you keep letting that person come back, only to hurt you all over again?

I feel like a fool. I feel like a failure.

I’ve had to ask for help more times than I can count. From my best friend, Tash, who has been my rock in ways I can never repay. From my church, which has stepped in when I had nothing left to give. But every time I ask, I feel the weight of my own inadequacy crushing me. I’m supposed to be able to do this. I’m supposed to be enough.

And then there’s God. The One I should be running to, the One I should be leaning on. But right now, I just feel… distant. My prayers feel empty, my faith feels weak. How do I trust when my heart is so broken? How do I believe in His goodness when I feel so abandoned?

I don’t have the answers.

All I know is that I have three little faces looking up at me, waiting for me to be strong, even when I feel like I have nothing left. All I know is that I can’t keep living in this cycle, hoping for something that isn’t coming. All I know is that I have t

o make a choice—to walk away, to break free, to finally let go of what’s been breaking me.

And maybe, just maybe, in the letting go, I’ll find God again. Maybe in the surrender, I’ll find the strength I don’t have on my own.

Maybe this isn’t the end.

Maybe this is where healing begins.

Hello, I’m a mom of four as a self-employed business owner, I’ve learned how to juggle many roles, often feeling stretched thin, but my faith has always been a source of strength and guidance. Life hasn’t always been easy—marriage struggles and personal challenges have tested me, but each experience has deepened my faith and understanding of who I am. This blog is a space where I share my heart, my journey, and the lessons I’m learning along the way. I hope my story can offer encouragement and connection to theirs walking their own paths of faith and growth.

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