Family Trees, Toilet Breaks and Trusting God

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This week, my 10-year-old son had a family tree project for school. Let me just say—going from Grade 3 to Grade 4 is no joke. Am I the only parent who struggles with their child's homework and wonders, Did I ever do this in school? Because I honestly don't remember it being this hard!

But as we worked on his project, something unexpected hit me. Both my parents are gone, and I have no photos of them. None. I knew my childhood had been rough, but this simple assignment brought a flood of emotions I wasn’t prepared for. Seeing my son map out our family, I felt the weight of my past—the abandonment, the loss, the pain I thought I had packed away neatly in a box labeled "dealt with."

And then, of course, life as a mom doesn’t pause for emotional processing. Right now, as I write this, my toddler is trying to get into the bathroom—because, let’s be real, this is the only quiet place I have. His little face is peeking under the door, fingers wiggling underneath, asking, “Are you done weeing or pooping? I need to go now!” Ah, the joys of motherhood.

But here’s the thing—abandonment doesn’t just leave when you grow up. It doesn’t disappear when you start your own family. My husband has abandoned us—again. And as I help my son trace our roots, I realize that history, if we’re not careful, repeats itself. These feelings of being left, of being unloved, of having to fight alone—they’ve come rushing back, knocking me down, leaving me exhausted and barely able to get out of bed.

Yet, in the middle of my mess, I know one thing: God is changing my life. I know He’s in control. But as humans, we are weak. We fall into the same old cycles—anxiety, depression, exhaustion—even when we KNOW how good God is. Even when we’ve seen His hand move before.

So, when I leave this bathroom (if my toddler ever lets me), I am going to pray. I am going to sit with God. Because my hope isn’t in my past, my pain, or even the rewards I can’t yet see. My hope is in Him. And if my faith can do anything, let it be this—let it carry my children, and their children, into something better.

God, renew my strength. Fix my eyes on You. Because You are my family tree. My roots, my foundation, my future. And You will never leave me.

Amen.

Hello, I’m a mom of four as a self-employed business owner, I’ve learned how to juggle many roles, often feeling stretched thin, but my faith has always been a source of strength and guidance. Life hasn’t always been easy—marriage struggles and personal challenges have tested me, but each experience has deepened my faith and understanding of who I am. This blog is a space where I share my heart, my journey, and the lessons I’m learning along the way. I hope my story can offer encouragement and connection to theirs walking their own paths of faith and growth.

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